.............................................Sun and I.i miss home so much it hurts. every step i make weighs me down. i wake up to the new day only to fight back the urgency to weep. the only thing that keeps me off the heatache is angie baby playing w me. i feel so alone. i thoroughly miss thailand & myanmar, where i'll be surrounded by the people i truly love . . . . where nothing can hurt me no matter how bad the situation is. now, back in SG, i feel like a miserable chamber maid clearning my own mess. no one's there wehn i need to find my stuff. every time i'm greeted w failure, i weep like a miserable cow. seriously, tell me i don't sound like an emo girl ready to end her life cos as much as i h8 clearing my room, i love my life -.-
as much as truth sucks, i've been under quarantine -.-
funny how well i feel when thousands are attacked w the pig flu. in fact, im as fit as a horse ready to lifet the buildings w my nails when asked !
anyway. i almost lost my life by this much --> .
i was just innocently looking outta the windows when the flight attendant announced we were touching down @ bangcock.
mmmm, yummy. the thot of seeing home and KK ran wildly thru my mind when all of a sudden, the plane rotated one third !!!!!!!!! holy cow i was so freaked out the armrests i was clutching on almost exploded under the pressure. by rotating one third, i mean the plane did not fly straight. becos of the massive turbulence, the aircraft got twirled wildly in the sky, up above landscape -.- motha fucka, i almost died -.-.-.-.-
as if the scare wasn't enuf, this bitch ( pardon the crudity. ) let out an ear piercing scream.
waaaaa !!! i lamost wanted to let her have a taste of my macho fist man !! not that i would but it certainly is a pleasant thought to imagine -.-
i just hate it when people scream unnecessarily. it adds on to the anxiety, you get it ?
so anyway, i survived, amen. the turbulence died down almost as immediately as it came. when mom found out about my near-death xperience, she was outraged . . demanding never to play w my life by sitting the airline again. ha ha ha, which xplains how i came back w SG airlines where i had a rough time shitting in the plane. the thot of my constipated poos dropping in the air was sure a thot to numb my sadness. just imagine. ploop plooop ploooop. the hardened poos dropping on your roof. plooop ploop ploop. HA ! HA ! HA !!!!
i havent been updating about my BKK days properly so here's it.
i went out w KK and her bro, Sun, everyday. my house was over populated w the older generations consisting of my gran, and her her bunch of granny pals. gran dear loves me much to xcuse me w the ancient lunches dinners and gasps ! even outings !!! ( u can pretti much imagine what kind of places the grannies like to go to !!! not that i h8 spending time w them. cos as old as my gran is, she's a joker -.- telling me to marry me rich men. HA HA HA ! " joys, i tell u. next time dont every give poor men a second thot ! must marry rich ones like the bird nest guy ! then we casn eat bird nests for the rest of our lives. -.-.- ) i will then meet up w KK and Sun after KK's tuition @ around 13 and hang out till 2am then return home where i'll lie on bed and not fall asleep till 4. the cycle's pretty much the same. heartache. questions and finally, the tears. anyway, when im w KK and S, i'm me. but when i retire ( oh gozh. retire. i m truli ancient -.- ) @ night, i'm miss emo -.- which is funny enuf cos under day light, im Miss Woteva. but when the sun is gone, im Miss I-Lov-U which is sad cos he's never gonna see me !!!! as much as truth sux, im never gonna win this, very much to my misery. but oh well. whats meant to be ur WILL be urs so aint no point fighting w destiny.
anyway. i came back early cos the conscious part of me knew that missing school is not gna be any beneficial to me so i decided, against all my will, to come back to SG on sunday, instead of the planned tuesday. if i came back on tues, i will miss my O oral too, after the 1 week quarantine. but if i came back on sun, i will be in time for the oral but who knew ???????? i still missed the bloody damn oral -.-
since no one was in SG for me, i had to book in at this deserted hotel in marina bay until jia xin aunt came back myself -.- instead of congratulating myself for having peaceful days, i was accompanied by sorrow and loneliness. i called my dearest mom and fave aunt 4 times a day each. i felt like no one was there for me. the feeling was fucking miserable. every waking second spent crying, every sleeping moment spent dreaming of the things unattainable. i have never in my 18 years of life felt this way . . .... ... .. so lonely. i was physically there but mentally, lost. i did what i had to do; buy necessary items for the stay, eat, bathe and breathe but the reason behind is fogged out by the dense layer of Lost. i knew it was a part of life everyone has to go thru, where u cant depend on anyone but urself, but why didnt anyone tell me it would hurt so damn much ?? every phone calls were masked by an air of happiness but underneath it all lie the shaky voice and tears threatening to expose themselves. granny told me what i was doing was good. that i stayed on my own and not depend on anyone. i feigned an air of pride. in truth, i hoped so much that some one would be there. no matter who. i just felt so lost. and knowin me, i am never a good person to deal w loneliness. as much as the rest of me is fine, i cant deal w loneliness. i can deal w failure, heartbreaks, bitches and hags but i cant deal w loneliness. it stings me blind. it tortures me solid. it simply corrupts me. so when it was time to check out, i felt like the most glorious moment of my life. but alas !!!!!! only when i was back with aunt jia xin's house in bedok did i realize that i miss staying at the hotel !!!!!!!!! fucking stupid.
i guess in life, u just have to stay tuned. and adjust - fast. when u know that no one is gonna be there for u , dont wimp. dont give up. just stay and kno that all hell will end - soon.
so, thats all for today, class. see u !
lol -.-
