alright. i've successfully spent the whole day to myself ( occupyied myself with cooking and playing games. ) joe has a new job somewhere which means i no longer have him as much as i'd like now. 1 year and 6 months later, he is officially leading the life i've always dreaded.
back then, i had him everytime i opened my eyes, opened my arms and opened my mouth. but now, he'll be outta the house by 9.30am and the next time i get to see him will be 10+ more hours later :'-( and when he's back he'll be so drained he would be in bed by 1030 but i, being the selfish me, of cos, only let him sleep at 12am. we r now officially living the weekends-then-go-dating life which i really hate :'-( but i guess what u hate is usually what is good for u eh.
i know im really possesive of him and i have to change this bad nature of mine. but as u know, change is never easy. lately, i've come to the crystal clear realization that not everyone is perfect, based on real life experiences,
1) u have the perfect happy family, but u lack money.
2) u have an unlimited supply of money but u dont get the love from people u yearn most.
3) u have both the money and the love, but something literally lacks in u be it health or mental illness.
thus, i know i can never have it all with joe. if i want him all to myself, thus enriching the love factor, i will cause both of us to lose out in our money factor. i was talking to him the other day that i dont want our family to be distant. i want my kids to love both of us equally, to love both their grandmas equally, but that will not happen if joe is busy working and busy being absent in their lives. which is why we came up with the solution to work hard now so that by the time we have kids, he will pretty much be settled down and not be tooo absent in our kids' lives. in other words, we r laying the seeds. not the sex seeds lah. the money seeds ha ha ha.
i've alr had him for 1.5 years. it's time i let him go... let him goooooo, and have his own life. let him reconnect with his buddies and not worry about me. sometimes he dreads going out cos he knows i'd be bored stiff alone at home and that makes him pity me HA HA HA and really, everytime he leaves i feel so bloody sad like an unwanted puppy. but i've decided i want to be the supportive wife, instead of the stupid wife.
i now need to start living my life, start filling in the gaps where joe will no longer fill. i need to adapt to yangon, i need to start having a life here. i cannot keep blaming and defending myself with " this is not singapore. " ok. joe just texted me that he's coming home now. gonna go fold his clothes to make him feel happy. HA HA HA he's been pestering me to do his laundry for a week now but im JUZT ZO LAZY. really. i only need to unload everything into the machine but i am just that bloody lazy. sigh. need to do something bout that. i need to be efficient.
woke up to the 703am text. made me realize i havent always give him my best.
