okay here's me sitting really uncomfortably on the hard solid cold marble floor with a gleeful expression pasted all over my face.
i just finished talking to moms ( or rather, she talked and i mm-ed. somethin's up w my hormones these days. ) and she said she's planning a big ( china. ) trip for the fam ( minus my 2 darling brothers cuz they're schools r startin. ) to hong kong-china ( guang zhou moi lurve, bei jing ( this is just me solo really. to go visit my love KK who's currently studying there. ), zhang jia jie ( the scenic background of the movie avatar. ) and i forgot. a ha ha. oh !!! right right, gui lin ( some scenic places again. )
so while excitedly listening to the plans, my mind inevitably goes to the well, inevitable XD
HOW.
HOW can joycy hannie go traveling to these gorgeous places without a great camera in hand !??
i know i know, i just got my new camera a few months ago but that was chosen ( and bought to me by my darling grans. )
on a rash and based purely on bad decision.
KK recommended olympus pen ep2 but it was so bloody expensive i settled with my canon ( a few hundreds cheaper. ) before i bought it tho my mom was telling me to think carefully cos she doesn't want me moping around crying over split milk after i bought the canon. however, being the soft-hearted ( ahem. ) gurrl that i wuz, i decided to go with canon cos family business wasn't going so well then. and now, amigo, NOW, I REGRET.
there. i said it.
ugh. but it's ok. i will not buy a new cam. i will not buy a new cam. i will not buy a new cam. i will not buy a new cam.
now i shall chant that till i fall asleep.
so, i've been talking about how i'm on a journey to search for the " old. " me.. one who was so cheerful and on-the-go, on who was so carefree she wouldn't care if the world threw a hundred rotten blueberries ( um, my fave now. ) at her cos she had the power to bounce back instantly, one who smiled so much more than she frowned, true, one who cried more then but was all smiles once the tears sat dry. now i'm just a complete opposite of the old joys. i now do. not. live life.
i scowl thrice too often, i no longer l-i-v-e, i am the pessimistic polly i once so negatively believed in. however, i shame-facedly admit my quest for the old me amounts to..... well,
nada.
i look back at pictures, read my old entries to get back in tune with how i thought about every thing back then but sadly to suffice, i just can't seem to reach out to the past.
i've been doing a lot of thinkings and i've come to a conclusion. no. scratch that. i've come to a realization that i cannot go back to the old me anymore. every one has their moments in their life and i, sadly, has passed mine. the peak of my sad little life is gone, now replaced with what i'd like to call as, boring-lonely-funless days. ok, i know, not a very creative name but what gives.
my moments of scouting for cute boys and dolling up like no tomorrow came quickly and died down rather quickly too.
the old me whom used to say ( found in earlier entries. ) " OMG the ppl here dress so simply just normal tees and jeans. " has in fact, become the " now. " me.
i no longer have the goal and zest to pretty myself up now. which is, really, tragikk.
anyway, having said those chunks, the realization is, i can never go back. but that's not that.
i've grown. i've evolved. i've.... i've..... i've moved on. the thing is to embrace the new me with the love i once was showered with shamlessly, to accept the new me with open arms and just to live with it.
everyone changes, don't they ?
my change just came all too quickly.
here's a sad little picture ( from ma phone. ) i got last night on a dinner date @ billy bombers w' KW.
