on a lighter note, half year with joe is coming in exactly 16 days' time. don't know if i should celebrate it since we don't have the habits of goin thru the motions of monthsaries and what nots. but he's celebrated 201314 ( forgot when it was. but it's some chinese lovebirds day. translated to 爱你一生一世／死 im not sure. ) and then he celebrated my birthday and V' day. where i did nothing. ive never given him any gifts come to think of it which is why im wondering if i should bother at all with June 31st. ha ha ha, cos if i were to confirm it, then I'd have to throw away 6KG off my body to look presentable for the special occasion. should i go through such a hassle, i can't be sure of.
for V day, all he asked of me were the three big words " i love you. " but i had to go through rounds of beers and wines to make me spit them out. and the next day i had to deny it evey time he asked me what i told him that night. it's not that i don't. love him i mean. i do, honestly i do, more than anyone, even i, could ever imagine. but it takes a huge ass amount of courage on my part just to say it.
im just not used to opening up my emotions and feelings with people i love and care for. which always leads him thinking that i don't feel the way he does. anyway. im so much of a chicken at voicing my affections out loud that when i do feel the sudden urge to to say those 3 big words at certain points of time, i say " Elephant Juice. " really. try saying it. it's a substitute for " I love you. " ( for the deaf maybe but still. ) and when i feel more elephant juice than just elephant juice for him, i unselfishly and oh so generously throw him a " I love you......
..... TUBE !!!! "
chicken.
