it seems like even tho i kno the day the finals start are drawin nearer and nearer, i just dont seem to feel the pressure i am supposed to be feelin. i dont kno wots wrong with me now. i cant put in to words how and wot i really feel. . it was left with a few more weeks before this day finally approaches but even before i had the time to blink my eyes, it's left with a few short days only. somehow, the inner part of me is all prepared for the worst that are already on their way. i have done nothin productive all year round and there's no surprise if my results turn out nothin close to
" productive. "
this is sick. grr. i feel sick. my attitude is sick. i, am sick. (9-.-9)
it's just that i know i want to study,
i know that i wanna pass at least 3 subz,
i know that if i dont pass, i will endup droppin,
i know that if i end up droppin, everything will turn ugly.
but even tho i kno the consequences to my actions,
i just dont werk for it.
i know what's the right things i SHOULD be doin but i just dont kno how to begin and it is all already far too late when i finally know the first single step to the journey of a thousand mile and this entry is so $erious that i am already frwoning with every keys i punch. brr.
i have learnt that the biggest thing in life is to overcome temptations. that's the stage i can't go thru no matter how hard i try and it always drive me nuts. like im doin nothin but only staring into sapce. whats the thing you do when you are caught in that situation at a time like this ? well you either sleep or you pin up your fringe and go do some werk but no matter how hard i keep tellin myself to study, i just dont. i continue staring into the space. it's like my heart wants to study but my brains just dont wanna flow with it. okay which ever that is, i cant tell. either the brain wanna study or the heart, it doesnt realy matter becos at the end, it still ends with the same analogy.
the whole thing is sick. sorry i cant describe it any more other than sick but u kno what sick means eh, pretty much the same as dusgusting. annoying. failing. discontented. angsty. just sick and tired.
i donno what is goin on in ny body. but i think it is just one of the things that is always happening in my life except it's ever really gotten this serious before.
2 years agao, even tho the exmas were fast approaching, i was still the same person as i am now, excpet that time, i touched the books a little. i did try to do some werk cos i was with farah havin the study trips but now, my life seems to be revolving O U T S I D E the world of books. it's no longer on the axis of " this is where my future begins. " or whatsoever shitty words that adults say. future ? ha. i fore-see my future as a happy girl which reminds me, i am not going to do office werks becos that is not my life. every time i am out, i see the people who are wekin in the offices come out to have their luch and they carry such miserable faces i no longer see the smiles in their lives not that i know them but u ged what i mean eh. it is a routine that they have to go thru every weekdays until they are either sacked or they get a shift in occupations.
KK and i will be be full of laughters eating wile they well be dead faces eating and then they go back into the office and start typing again. after they call it a day, they pack up, go back home, sleep, and as they rise up the next day, all they can look forward to is the office and their office werk only. dont you see the kind life they lead is very . . . . planned and roboty ? oh i dont know what im tlakin about cos i havent really been to an office werk place before but this is the kinda office-lifestyle-impression them people give me. oh whatever. i am still stuck in the little girl's life so i shant be bothering about office life till i officially start werk and damn. to the little boys, if u 2 have problems, kindly open ur small little squeeky mouths to talk and not kiap kiap your tongs as if to tell me to move away cos u two cant kiap the food. if u hav any probs, come up and i'll welcome u with a big smile that says " hi BOYS ! " tsk. i still cant ged over the shock that after all i've done to fuckin help, i actually endup startin all these shiet. i dont see where the appreciation is heading. whatever.
now that the war is no longer with u and 'em,
it's me takin the lead.
i dont feel light.
everyday i feel this really heavy thing pulling me down when i am home maybe becos of the shit that are storing up in me. i cant shit them out. prune juice is my water now. i have just drank the whole bottle but no shit come out leh. i think not good enuf. but nyway, i am gonna play sims again so goody byee. oh yes. for today, i got up early in the mornin at 9.30. went over to myanmar embasy with KK to get her letter. and we went to eat little hot pot again.
(v_v)
i have to shed some fats already.
KK can't look at me without saying :
" oh no. fat already. "
and
" waa really fat already "
and
" waa cannot already cannt already. you look so different now compared to when we first met. must diet already must diet already. "
ha ha !! i am like a bucket now. my body is all filled with fatzz @.@
i think i will make a great pot of Chicken Lise Fats.
i shall be served hot and spicy but not too spicy so it suits everyone's tastes.
ha ha !
ok im done typing. GB for real now. bye.
with love,
Happiness Han
me just found another folder of pictures i havent uploaded which was long ago but am gonna delete it so here they are in the blog !
little girl :oD
intoducin, myanmar tea !
sip it when it's hot,
and u risk gettin ur tongue scalded.
which will lead u cursin at the waiters for servin it too hot.
jaw meetin us for awhile while his friend was gamin or somethin.
little KK.
i kno in future, we will look back at all our pigs and luff at how silly we were :oP .
eat eat eat. i was suckin my tongue. ha ha ! its a wonder why my tongue didnt just roll off ripe.
this is the period of the actin cute saga. not sure if uve read about it. but it was wayyy long ago and yet, i can remember every details when i look back at the pictures which explains why i take so many pigs. ha ha ! to me, pictures are the only way to note down what happend in my life becos i dont have a good memory. see, wifout these pictures, how will i know that i used to be so funnily angry over that lad who thinks acting cute is the cutetest thing ever !? never lor i tell you. but see, with these pictures, ok i suould really shut up now shouldnt i ? :oP
heh heh ! i am cute. i am cute i am cute cute cute cute is me is cute. i hav to keep chanting this to myself like a mad nun to get me into the mood of acting cute which is failed so miserably ha ha !
" aaah, how to have the cute expression !!!!? " in the midst of thinkin and trying and talking, this picture was produced.
i can only get this. it says : i have worked hard on acting cute but since it isnt werking, i am only gonna pout and do the peace little sign.
HA HA HA ! VERY CUTE AH.
