all these 19 years i've waited.
... yet the prince i have always coaxed myself asleep with never appears. even when i thought he did, he proved otherwise. year by year the lust of falling in love so poignant dispersed with time. even though there may be times i believed my prince was just a little shy, i blame him for being so.. though truth is, the problem lies with me--every problems romance could ever surface.--
i am a coward.
i'm afraid of falling hard. i'm afraid of the impossibilities. i'm afraid of reading too much into a mild situation--which i always do.-- and i am afraid i may not be the one he was looking for after all..
truth remains, i am a die-hard traditional. i want my prince to be the prince i grow old with, to be the prince who share EVERY single moments with me--be it tough or silly.-- , to be the prince who i wake up to, to be the prince i kiss good night to, to be the prince who my heart flutter wildly for, to be the prince who loves me more than i do him. fortunately or unfortunately, when you are as die-hard traditional as i am, you basically remain hopeful of the " right. " prince for the rest of your life.... and when none appears, you settle for a substitute.
what others' call my " expectations. " is just promises of security. this i've learnt through experiences. my " expectations. " are so high and unattainable it always act as a barrier to possible loves. if my great big ego were to have shrunk just an inch, i sometimes imagine myself living the romantic life with a temporary prince. where the world sees love so lightly. scratch that. the word is not love after all. the word is sex and relationships. the whole screw it and over with it just doesn't work on me. i am a hopeless romantic. every thing i want starts with hugs and ends with kisses and fireworks and palace and all the love in the world and passions and affections and what not.. these i say, are totally not out there. i rarely see these happening anyway !
anyway.
im sleepy.
No comments:
Post a Comment