baby naming

how will my baby look like ? finally, I'm pondering over this useless question becos apparently, children are the most beautiful in their parents' eyes 😍

I know I can't hope for a Kendall Jenner with Joe's and my genes but all I want for my baby is to be happy, free and loved.

 Hence, the name Saoirse He. freedom in Irish. obviously it's gonna be tough letting her fly and soar for I'll be chained with worry the day she's born but that's exactly what I want her to do and feel. to live life a free spirit, a happy and contended soul. where everywhere she go, she'll smell the fragrance in the flowers, feel the warmth in the sun and the whispers in the breeze.

so one day I was just sitting and probing my brain for some inspirations on her nickname when KK gave me a very good one that I absolutely love.... Shisha !!!

ha ha ha ha ha freedom in shisha 😁😁 I was thinking sha sha sounds.... not my baby at all and nothing seems to go well with Saoirse until KK said Shisha ! ha ha so there goes my names ! all settled !! 

now goes the tiresome part : the Chinese name. her last name's gonna be 何 and the 字牌 for her generation is 邦.

邦 omg 邦！how to heck can a name sound girly with the bang there !!!?

haiz. I guess she's gonna be a second me with a macho sounding Chinese name but s'kay. I actually quite like my brute chinese name 😁😁😁

so Joe's finally, finally, finally coming to bangkok tmw after 18 days of separation !!! to be honest, the first few weeks were pretty easy on me. but as days dwelled on without him by my pregnant side, I started throwing tantrums and soaking in self pity.

 I know there r many other pregnant women who have it tougher than me but sometimes I just can't help but feel so alone in this pregnancy. my mom lacks manpower and I'm 100% supportive of Joe leaving me to help her out but sometimes I just feel so robbed of a pillar. and as you all know, I'm very dependent on him. there are times where I feel my baby is all I have but thank god for me being me, I get out of sad thoughts pretty swiftly. there are many pregnant women whom had to go thru everything alone aka my dear mother. and my dear grans. it saddens me that they are all they had to depend on for every occasions, for more than half their lives. losing their husband at such a young age and choosing not to remarry. it's really tough I've come to realize cos sometimes, a presence is enough to make u feel safe. u don't have to be all lovey dovey, but a presence of a pillar with the gestures as simple as getting u a cuppa water or asking u if you're hungry is enough to make you feel comforted, safe and loved even.

hence, the next time a man comes into my mom's life, I will try not to be too tough on him. after all, it's my mom's life, not mine. it's just that when u love a person, you want the best for him/her so all the jerks better come armored ha ha ha JK 😜

OK. that's it for today. my eyes are super strained cos I've been too preoccupied with completing Joe's V-day present, ha ha ha having no money sucks lah. this is the first time I'm giving him a V-day present and it costs only 120 + 65 baht !!! ha ha ha but it's really cute and I love it. handmade somemore leh ehem 😁😁

my knight ☺️☺️☺️

and 

cos I know he'll be the best dad to my kids :'-) inside joke : still got papa no. 2,3,4,5 😝😝😝

2 nights ago I was feeling emo while looking thru old pics where I got more motivated to name my girl after freedom. 

mommy and me. love this pic so much !!!! gonna take one with my girl too and hopefully I'll turn out as beautiful as my mom here where no photoshop existed bank then !!! 😭

very ugly me here but I love this pic so much. that laugh. that freedom.

clearly, I was a happy kid. hence, my little Saoirse shall be the second me :-) 

and that's pretty much it !!! bye bye !! so hungry now but no food at home. I shall start eating properly tmr when Joe's mama will be here with home cooked meals :-)